This Is Bipolar

How is everyone doing? I haven’t heard from anyone for a long time.

Anyway, I’ve been on a good roll these past few months. I’m taking Lamictal as mood stabilizer and Zoloft to lift me up at the moment because of the intense stress at work.

Had some hurdles along the way. My mom got hospitalized while she was abroad, and she had to stay there an extended time. I had to take over the household while she and my dad were out for a month. It’s actually so much pressure suddenly needing to be in charge, especially because I’m used to just minding myself.

Work stress is absolutely overwhelming, because there is so much to accomplish so that we can launch our project this coming December 15. Time is running out, and there’s still so much to do. But I am hanging on.

But so far, I think I’ll get by. My golly I can only imagine how difficult it would have been to deal if I wasn’t on my prescription and if I were not doing therapy. Of course, the people around are such a big help too. But being able to handle it better by myself, I’m happy just not being an added headache to anyone else.

Next to Normal - Manila run

I think this will be interesting to watch.

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Better or worse?

Haven’t updated in a while. Guess I’ve been far too busy with work. Sometimes it’s good to be really busy, I get to focus more on work than other stuff. I’m more prone to feeling depressed when I’m not doing much.

So, around three weeks ago I went to see my psych again, just for my “how are you doing now” session. Told her it’s been stressful at work, and it really was. She prescribed me an additional medication - Sertraline, or more commonly known as Zoloft to most people (although it’s know by some other name where I am). It’s an antidepressant, and I was put on very low dose just to help me out with the stress and keep me from going depressed. Not sure if it is working well though. For some reason, I feel more down than up ever since I started on it. Has anyone experienced this while on Zoloft?

I’ll tell my doc when I see her again, although that’s still three weeks from now. I was thinking of slowly going off the meds, since I haven’t taken it for a long time yet. Maybe I have to feel my way through it. If I don’t feel any better in the next few days, I’ll slowly go off it.

To DBT or not to DBT?

I had a pretty bad night last night even though I’ve been doing so well. Everyone falls now and then, and it’s human to sometimes need to take a step back to keep going forward. I’m not ashamed of my faults and my mood swings, but sometimes they embarrass me, especially now that everyone thinks I have everything under control. I got a call the other day from an outpatient DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) program that I have been to twice before. I had sent in an application a couple weeks ago when I was really low, and they called to tell me that they’re ready to set up an intake appointment if I wanted to come in. The program runs for two weeks, but you can always stay longer if your insurance permits. When I first sent in my application, I really wanted to go, but now I’m not sure. I mean, last night was rough, but it wasn’t as bad as I usually get, and I haven’t felt like I really need it. I’m in a good mood right now, and I know it isn’t mania, but I still feel scared that the other shoe is going to drop and I will spiral into depression. For the most part, right now at least, I don’t think I need their services, but I will keep it in mind. It’s nice to have options, you know?

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I was wondering if you had any suggestions for talking to a social security person about getting on mental disability? I've submitted an application and have all my medical records on hand for when I get a call (hopefully soon...) but I'm a little afraid of what the process will actually be like. Is there any way of sort of mentally preparing for all of this?

Asked by jediwizardhobbit

I’m going to assume you’re from the U.S. In my experience, the interviewers are very friendly and helpful. However, they’re not the ones making the decision, so be prepared for rejection on the first round. If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed about the process, don’t be afraid to get a lawyer. Most disability lawyers only take 25% of your settlement if you win and nothing if you don’t. And your chances of winning are much higher with a lawyer.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Apparently, Catherine Zeta-Jones is like us. Interesting thought. Hope this inspires everyone that it is possible to lead successful lives even with Bipolar Disorder. We must know that we should get help when we need it.

May 3
Author

A wee bit more normal

Perhaps the things I deal with the most are my migraines and my mood swings / anxiety attacks. I used to be on Depakote for my migraines, which did affect my moods very positively. However, in the many months I was using it, I was gaining so much weight that was impossible to get off, and that’s a bit frustrating for me. So there were times I tried abruptly stopping my daily dose of Depakote, but it spun me out of control and got me into mood crashes. It happened maybe twice or thrice. Realizing that stopping Depakote gave me more a psychological problem than a physical one (or migraine headaches), I went to see a psychiatrist to ask for a change in medication. She slowly transitioned me from Depakote to Lamictal, maybe over a month. But Lamictal was only for my mood and not for my migraine. A few weeks after I got completely off my Depakote, I started experiencing extreme migraine attacks again. I did notice, too, that my migraines always coincided with palpitations. And then I’m back into the circle again. I was diagnosed a few years back (even before being diagnosed with Bipolar 2) with Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome (MVPS), a heart condition that was not fatal but was annoyingly symptomatic. I was not taking medications for that in the past 3 years, but with the palpitations, dizziness, and migraines, I tried going back to my medication for it albeit on the lowest dosage.

It probably was a good decision to go back to my MVPs meds. Now I am on both Lamictal and Isoptin, one for my head and one for my heart, and I’m feeling a lot better lately. I’ve had no major migraine episodes since I started taking both together. Also, my moods have stabilized somewhat. I do hope this lasts. :)

Hospitalized… again

I spent the past week in the hospital again. Why? Because I was this close to swallowing some Tylenol and chugging some vodka. That’ll kill you, by the way. But, as I was informed, in a very very painful way. So don’t do that.

Anyways, the problems were all caused by the overwhelming anxiety caused by the Abilify. (Note: this isn’t a common side effect of Abilify, don’t let it stop you from trying it.) Turns out a person can only be in a constant state of anxiety for so long before they lose all hope of anything turning out all right. At this point I knew it was probably the abilify but I’d tried so many meds that gave me horrible side effects that I just didn’t want to go on any more. I just wanted it to all go away. Luckily I had the good sense to realize that there was someone else in my world who might not survive my suicide. So I went to the hospital.

Good news: they took me off of the abilify right away. They doubled my dose of lexapro and put me back on lamictal. I started to feel better within two days. Not hypomanic like towards the end of my last hospital stay, but actually normal. Bad news: one of my triggers is being around other people with mental illness. So I almost immediately started to feel depressed again. Not suicidal, but incredibly irritable and I just wanted to get out of there. Unfortunately, due to some administrative stuff they couldn’t let me go until I had been there for a week and a day.

Now I’m out and I feel good. Not perfect (I’m having to try for my happiness), but good. Normal. And that’s the goal, right? I just have to keep myself busy now everything will be ok. Wish me luck.

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How do you deal with anxiety?

I seem to be having an anxiety problem. I am literally vibrating because of it. I’m going to go do some yoga (my best solution). How do you deal with anxiety?

This Is Bipolar

Happy New Year!

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